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For Men - The Art of Listening: Understanding Your Partner's Needs Introduction

Writer's picture: Coach KennCoach Kenn
A man not listening
You're listening but did you hear her?

In relationships, understanding your partner's needs is crucial for maintaining a healthy and supportive bond. The NCC Team (Nebraska Couples Coaching) does not buy into many things being male or female, but societal norms have taught us that men and women have different listening behaviors. The bigger part of that is conditioning. The other is that we have not sought to break away from these norms.


However, we are about to break our own rules and talk with the men about listening behaviors when it comes to women, how to be present, and how to differentiate if she is "expressing" or "complaining" (ladies feel free to send this to a man that you know needs it).


One important insight is recognizing that when your significant other shares their thoughts, they are not always seeking a solution. Often, they simply want to be heard. By understanding this dynamic, you can improve your communication and strengthen your relationship. Here’s a quick guide to help you navigate these moments effectively.


Understanding Her Needs

When your partner is sharing her thoughts, it’s essential to determine what she needs from you at that moment. Typically, her needs will fall into one of three categories:


  1. Listening and Engaging: Sometimes, she just wants you to listen and engage in the conversation without trying to fix anything. Your role is to be a sounding board, offering your attention and empathy.

  2. Providing Emotional Support: At other times, she might need emotional support—a shoulder to lean on. This means being there for her, offering comfort, but not necessarily addressing or solving the problem.

  3. Addressing Concerns: Occasionally, she will want you to help address her concerns directly. This is when she is looking for a solution or advice on how to fix the issue at hand.


Determining Her Needs

If you’re unsure about what she needs, simply ask: “Do you need anything from me at this moment?” This question shows that you are attentive and willing to provide the support she requires. If you find yourself drifting off into "fix it mode" then you are not fully present in the conversation.


Essential Listening Tips

Regardless of her needs, the first step is always to listen carefully. Here are five key points to keep in mind while listening:


  1. Remove Personal Bias: Avoid thinking, “Here we go again with this.” Stay open-minded and refrain from jumping to conclusions.

  2. Check Your Ego: Keep your ego in check. An inflated ego can derail the conversation, her moment, and your day.

  3. Avoid Premature Conclusions: Don’t decide what needs to happen until she has finished expressing her thoughts. Let her complete her narrative before you respond.

  4. Differentiate Between Expressing and Complaining: Understand the difference between her expressing genuine feelings and simply venting. This distinction will help you respond appropriately.

  5. Be Present: Give her your full attention. Put away distractions like your phone, TV, or video games. Being fully present shows that you value her and her concerns.


Conclusion

You cannot fix or address anything if you do not understand how it is broken. By actively listening and understanding your partner’s needs, you can avoid misunderstandings and provide the support she seeks. Remember, effective communication is not just about talking but also about truly listening to understand. By following these tips, you can enhance your relationship and create a deeper, more empathetic connection with your partner, and the life you may save may be your own.


Thank you to the "Promoters of Happily Ever After" (The NCC Team) for their continued partnership. Your relationship is one contact away from being everything you have ever imagined. Why not reach out and let us show you how?


I Am Coach Kenn!


The NCC Team

p: 531-541-6100





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